my name is karel. i'm 26 years old and reside in portland, oregon, although i'm from the east coast - new jersey and new york city, specifically. currently i'm a graduate student in school counseling. i have numerous artistic pursuits, including writing, graphic design, jewelry design, and knitting. (although i'm actually quite bad at knitting.) i have a failproof weakness for chef boyardee beef ravioli.
portland blog - my boyfriend brian and i document our adventures out west
sunshower design jewelry - my handmade jewelry business
scrawl - password-protected site for my writing (email me for access)
pdx hoods - coming soon!
frustration
future
living
pop culture
school
self
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
first day of school
Monday, September 28, 2009
As I finally, finally begin grad school - a moment that I've been waiting something like two years for - I'm realizing how out of touch I am with my social being. I'm currently seeing a counselor on campus, something that is recommended for all counseling students for the duration of their time in the program, and really for all of their lives, and through talking to her I've come to realize just how much Portland has changed me - and perhaps not for the better.
Before I get into any more of this, I must say that I am happy here. Transitions are tough for anyone, and I'm notoriously bad with change. I think all things considered, the fact that I'm still motivated to move forward and immerse myself in creative endeavors indicates that I'm doing okay. I'm certainly doing much, MUCH better than I was last winter.
But the truth is, I am different than I was in New York, even than I was in New Jersey before we headed out here. Part of it is my recurring health issues - I've been having chronic eye irritation and inflammation since we moved here, which has pretty much completely prevented me from wearing contact lenses. It seems like no big deal, but it is - glasses have not been a part of my style/appearance for so long that I simply do not feel like myself. They're almost like a barrier between me and my surroundings, and as a result I've reverted back to my shy, wallflower-ish former self. That, combined with a recent dry skin flare-up (eczema? Rosacea? Seborrheic dermatitis? As yet undetermined) that's rendered my face slightly ruddy and very flaky, has made me want to retreat even further. Sigh.
This was all very easy to avoid when I was working at Woodstock - when you're surrounded by children all day, there's less of a need to feel socially competent and impressive. Now, though, I've been thrown into the company of about 50 other first year grad students in my program, and we're all making our first impressions on each other. I'm feeling an intense pressure to be as outgoing as I used to be, back when I worked at Digitas and mingled with other 20-somethings all day every day - but the introversion that has overtaken me in the past year keeps pulling me back. I feel not myself, yet at the same time it's a retreat that I recognize from my older past.
Anyway, today really marked the start of what I'm sure will be three of the most formative and pivotal years of my life, as I mentioned in my previous post. As I rode the bus home in the misty night (fall has officially arrived - we're bracing ourselves) I felt a renewed energy to slowly reconstruct my life and my being, one block at a time. Whatever health issues I'm dealing with, I'll have to pony up and deal with, and make the best of it... I know that I'm still the same person inside.
To come in later posts this week: my new creative projects, exciting news about my future, and a lovely true story from last week involving Brian, his bike, and a guy with incredibly unjustified road rage. Betcha can't wait!
