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15September | from american knees, shawn wong
'You ever go into a Chinese or Japanese restaurant with a date who is white or black? Well, how do you feel? You're scrutinized and made to feel like the outsider. Your date doesn't feel any of this friction and tension. He feels like he's been taken inside; you're going to order the good stuff, maybe talk a little lingo with the waitress for his benefit. He might even throw in a little arigato, trying to get on your good side. There you are, eating, perhaps feeling the disapproval of the waitress, the busboy, all the while you're trying to figure out if your date is one of those guys who's got some kind of Asian-woman thing. And that 'thing' runs the gamut from asking you to teach him how to use chopsticks, to figuring he's going to get a shiatsu massage, to wanting his tea leaves read, to trying to find out if my vagina is slanted. ... 'I've never been with any non-Asian man who hasn't at one time or another during our relationship tripped himself up and said something racist.' Working in a position that once again brings my ethnicity to the forefront is making me think about all sorts of issues that I've been too tired to really visit in the past year. Portland seems to be lacking any Asian American activist groups - at least that I know of - and I'm not sure where else to go to look for them. Don't get me wrong - I'm not accusing my white boyfriend of necessarily having an 'Asian-woman thing' and I'm happy about the place we're in - but I'm aware that as an Asian American woman dating and living with a non-Asian man I am personifying the stereotypes, and despite my self-assurance in our relationship and its nuances it's still a very strange and paradoxical situation to be in sometimes. Sometimes I wish I were as outspoken as I used to be on here.
11September | ah, my very first awkward encounter at work
As part of my job, I do bus duty in the mornings and afternoon for the kids enrolled in the Immersion Program. They don't ride a regular bus, but rather 'tag on' to existing bus routes at other schools that stop at our school as a courtesy. Because of this, the afternoon bus kids need to get out of class early and wait by the bus door, and I wait with them to make sure they're all there. Yesterday as I was waiting, and trying to count my kids and keep them corralled around me, a parent who was sitting by his child's classroom waiting for the dismissal bell began to speak to me. As the conversation went on, the bell rang and kids started streaming out of classrooms and weaving in between us like slippery little fish, and I had to juggle maintaining the conversation and accounting for my kids, so my exact memory of what was said is a bit staticky. But here's a general snapshot: Him: Are you a teacher? Kids: Whee! School's out! Wahooo!!!! Him: So how many Chinese Kindergarten classes are there this year? I should clarify that the Mandarin Immersion Program is NOT limited to kids of Chinese or even Asian heritage. Me: Well, we don't shut out any Neighborhood students from attending school here - the Immersion students are either kids from this neighborhood, or additional kids we admit. Kids: Where's the bus?! Is that Bus 209? Did we miss it? Did it leave? Him: I understand that it's a popular program and everything but I just don't think it should be overtaking the school. I've been meaning to go downtown and talk to the superintendent - Kids: THE BUSES ARE HERE LET'S GO!!!! So then I left. And felt incredibly uncomfortable that this man could just sit there and demean the school's program to my face, and make assumptions about my family and my entire living and community situation, and upbringing. Later on I told the secretary in the office about this conversation, and a PTA parent piped up, 'Oh yeah, that's *****. I saw you talking to him and I was wondering what was going on. His kid is in the Immersion Program.' What?! Yeah. I don't even know. I have a feeling, though, that although this program is very coveted and popular, it may also have its share of enemies just like this man. Only maybe they're not all hypocrites who are reaping the benefits of Mandarin instruction while denouncing the presence of 'the Chinese kids' in their community. I hope I don't have to interact with him much more. But I have the sinking suspicion that I'm going to be seeing him every day during afternoon bus time. I'll make sure to hide behind the throngs of children.
10September | a picture that needs a lot of explanation
Allow me to remind you of the day my dorkiness was revealed to the world. I've never thought of myself as extremely organized - I left things like color-coding and notebook tabs and pastel post-its to the notorious 'Tracy Flicks' of my high school and college classes. I preferred to doodle all over my white binders, until they looked for like ink reserves than school supplies, and sometimes used the same binder for multiple subjects - without dividers. Yes, the horror, I know. Anyway, I guess it was my post-grad working experience that really whipped me into shape, and moving out of my second NYC apartment (and watching Clean House) that completely made me crazy about eliminating clutter and not holding onto useless and solely sentimental things. Now I can't stand being surrounded by papers I don't need, tchotchkes that gather dust, or even things that aren't put away where they're not visible. This actually is a bad situation for me because we currently don't have enough storage units in our house for all of our things, so everywhere I look I can see things that COULD BE PUT AWAY if only we had somewhere to put them. Argh. Enter my work desk. What's funny is that I showed up just a couple weeks ago to a large, airy-looking office and wasn't the wiser until parents and teachers started showing up and marveling at how clean it was. Apparently it was a sty last year. When I was introduced to my desk, it was crammed full of things that I didn't even know what to do with, and I was too overwhelmed to even begin to tackle them. Well, I have now been here about two weeks, and yesterday I decided it was high time to get organized. I turned my desk inside out, and was simultaneously fascinated and horrified at what I found, including but not limited to: three rolls of masking tape Needless to say, I pared down and put lots of stuff back in the supply closet, and recycled a crapload of papers. And now, my supply drawer looks like this:  pardon the quality... camera phone I'm in love. I want to open and close it and look at it all day. :)
05September | online shopping right now is like self-torture
So, I have been at working for about a week now. For those who don't know, I'm working in Portland Public Schools for their Chinese Flagship Program. I'm based in an elementary school where they have an intensive Mandarin Immersion Program starting in Kindergarten with the goal of preparing them for intensive Mandarin classes in middle school and high school. Things have been a little slow to start, mostly because my paperwork and all of the access I need to actually do my job haven't been processed and set up yet, so I've been helpless to do the big project they had wanted me to get done before the Kindergarteners start on Monday. Yippee! On top of that, but district employees get paid once a month, at the end of the month. Which means that even though I started working on August 27th, I won't get my first paycheck until September 30th. That's right people!! Yet another month of being poor. However this makes for a bad combination because during the day, I find myself looking at lovely things online that I would like to have, but don't have the funds to purchase, such as: This luscious coat from Eddie Bauer This windproof, water-resistant fleece for those chilly morning bike commutes This fabulous, preppy button-down with the awesome collar accent This gorgeous, gorgeous necklace off Etsy Everything this Etsy seller makes. EVERYTHING I'm afraid to even browse other sites like Urban Outfitters or Anthropologie. Ah! I miss shopping! Maybe this weekend I'll leave my credit cards at home and go to the mall.
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