Michelle posed a fascinating question: If I could be a relationship with any TV character, who would it be?

In an attempt to accurately answer the question, I have put a lot of thought into it. And I've had to break it down into several categories:

1. Sheer attraction and sexual chemistry factor: Special Agent Seeley Booth, Bones. Come on! He's hot, strong, diligent, smart, and has a soft side for things like Christmas and geeky comic books. He's loyal and knows how to fight and work a gun. And did I mention hot?

2. Intelligence and bread-winning factor: James Wilson, House. Okay, so he has a reputation for feeding on needy women and then dropping them. But I bet I can break him. And I am like, so much better than Cutthroat Bitch. He can spend $150 on dinner with me anytime.

3. Sense of humor, pragmatism, and paternal instinct factor: Jon Gosselin, Jon and Kate Plus Eight. Let it be known that I don't actually have a crush on Jon, and I'm aware that this is a bit strange because he's a real person, and married to boot. (And has eight children... yeah yeah) But it is the sheer fact that he has eight children, he's dedicated to his family, and drives that ridiculous family bus that led me to pick him. He has a great sense of humor about it all, clearly loves his children, and is also a great partner to Kate, both in marriage and parenthood. And he's an IT geek. And part Asian! Okay maybe I do have a little crush on him. Sue me, he reminds me of Brian. Didn't you see the episode where he built all six little beds for the sextuplets? Rawr.

4. Feeding my own Oedipal maternal instinct factor: Zack Addy, Bones. Erm... so apparently I have this need to take care of and 'mother' the guys I'm with. In the past this has subconsciously led to them losing all sexual attraction to me but still feeling emotionally attached. (I realized this during my chart reading last June) I've since learned to curb it a bit, but when I see just how helplessly awkward and esoteric Zack is, and how badly he wants to fit in, I just want to scoop him up and save him. And tell him that he's just looking the wrong place. He should really be looking through the television screen into an alternate world.

5. Free fashion advice and witty banter in exchange for a sexless existence forever factor: Clinton Kelly, What Not to Wear. It'd be like having my own clever, classy, sarcastic, and extremely well-dressed personal shopper/fashion consultant available at all times!! Who cares if he's gay? He wears pocket squares.

Teeheehee. Oh, hi Brian. :)