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29February | this isn't about traffic circles either
I just wanted to quickly say Happy Leap Day, this isn't a cheater post because according to the rules I don't have to blog today, and I'm in DC so posting may be light until Monday. Oh, and that SCORE! doesn't feel like SCORE! without all the Chinese kids. That is all.
28February | things that i want to write about and
I have two extensive blog topics I'd like to cover: 1. being back at SCORE! and But today I had my first semi-busy day since I moved home. That's right! I got up at 9:30 (big accomplishment for me. I know, sad), showered, ran some long overdue errands, filled out an application at Starbucks, and went to my second training session at SCORE!. Then I came home, made dinner, and studied for nearly three hours. Then I watched Eli Stone, and then I talked to Brian as we haven't talked in a few days. And now I have to pack for D.C. (oh, yeah. I'm going there this weekend, to see my older brother, and Tati!) and get to bed at a reasonable hour so I can wake up even earlier tomorrow than I did today. It's a weaning process. But in the meantime, gear yourself up for fascinating tales about traffic circles (or as they are affectionately nicknamed, 'roundabouts'), and the revisiting of my harrowing first post-grad year. I can see you're piqued already.
27February | now i have to go take a shower
In sequence with this post back in January, more evidence that my phobia is not without justification.... SICK!!! SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
26February | i don't know, tati... i don't know
So I got a Hanson.net newsletter in my email this morning. I open it and immediately I see a chart. TOUR DATES!! Then I read on (bolds are my own edits): 'HANSON are pleased to announce that they will be heading out on the road for the first leg of their The Walk Tour '08. The Tour is in support of their fourth studio album, The Walk, which was released on their own 3CG Records label. The Walk was inspired, in part, by HANSON's recent trip to South Africa and Mozambique, where they recruited children from the local orphanage to form a choir, who are featured on two songs on the new album, including their charity single, "Great Divide". Supporting Hanson on this tour will be indie rockers, Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers and singer/songwriter, Kate Voegele. The tour is scheduled to run April 9th through May 7th. ' MY HEART STOPPED AS I READ THAT LINE. LITERALLY STOPPED. Then, of course: me: OH MY GOD
25February | mommy fever
Okay, several things have been happening to me in the past year that undeniably call attention to the progression of my 'biological clock.' I, obviously, have always loved children. But as I proceed into my mid-twenties, the yearning for offspring of my very own has intensified exponentially. The acquisition of a man in my life last fall meant, aside from the beauty that is my first actual, functional relationship with a sane person, that I had potentially found the father of said offspring. (Not that either of us is planning to become parents anytime soon. Just a disclaimer) He'd kill me if he knew I wrote what I am about to write, but since he reads my blog once every few months I think I'm safe: he has said on more than one occasion that I'm the first girl he's dated with whom he feels he would want to start a family. Woohoo! One step covered. [EDIT] Okay, so after I wrote this I remembered that I had just sent Brian an email asking him to look at my redesign. Damn! I am busted. Oh well.[/EDIT] Next is the explosion of 'mommy blogs' in my daily reads list. I partly blame Tatiana for this, as she provided a list of links in her blog that gave me easy access to pick and choose my faves. Those faves are now in my links list, to the right. The mothering experiences that I read, along with the adorable, michievous, and sometimes red-faced and screaming pictures of their offpsring, both melt my heart and stir my empty uterus. (Yes, I even like screaming kids. I like bad kids too, because they're hilarious... is that sadistic of me?) Hey, anyone know of more 'daddy blogs'? Blogs aside, there is Jon and Kate Plus 8, originally on Discovery Health but now on TLC (yeah, I don't understand either). The Gosselins have 7-year-old twins and 3-year-old sextuplets, and the kids are one-quarter Korean. The show started when the sextuplets were 2, but now that they're 3 they are much bigger talkers and their personalities are starting to shine through. Fellow viewers bemoan the potential chaos of having toddling/preschooler sextuplets, but I have to say that it doesn't daunt me. Not that I would try to have them (the prospect of carrying 6 fetuses inside of me makes me ill!!), but I don't think it would be so awful. Does that make me insane? Naive? Oh well. Check in with me in 8 years when I have my first toddler. Then there is this video:
I should also note that when my mother was my current age, she had had her first child. So what am I going to name my little gems? Well. it has taken me an extremely long time to come up with two names: one girl and one boy. I'm very very picky about names, which is probably one very significant reason I should not even think about having sextuplets. The names are... dun dun dun... Belle and Oliver. I know, I know. Two things come to mind: Disney, and hippie indie band. But what can I do? I can't not have a girl name, and Oliver standing alone wouldn't conjure up either of those images. Do you know how difficult it's been for me to come up with a girl name I liked? The answer is: VERY. Good thing I won't be having children for at least another five years. That is, if all goes according to plan.
24February | the product of a long night (this, and a sore butt)
I did it! Hurray! Wow, it's been quite some time since an actual redesign. Hope you like it. I added some features to the page, and also wrote a little bio. Maybe at some point I'll get around to adding more content. But now I'm off to bed. These wooden slatted chairs in my kitchen provide absolutely no butt cushioning and I am in pain. Let me know your thoughts! :)
23February | today i fell back in love with photoshop
I was inspired by Pioneer Woman, who, like me, was a city girl who fell in love with a country man. She does really awesome things with Photoshop and sometimes offers really helpful tutorials on her blog. So in working on some new designy things (all will be revealed in a few days) I decided to give her tips a try. See here, washed out, un-edited photo of Brian and me on the steps of Union Square Park:
And now see here, punched up with color and much more flattering. Check out his eyes. Oh, I wish you could see them in real life:
I sense a new hobby forming. YAY!
22February | i've discovered my go-to when i don't know what to write
me: maybe we can see it next weekend
me: so apparently my parents don't listen when i talk
me: tonight they used the word 'rational' on bones a few times
21February | whew
So, last night I had begun to think I was never going to find a job, and that I was wasting away into sloth-dom and all sorts of laziness, my brain was atrophied to the point where I couldn't focus on anything for more than a couple minutes... Well, today I got a call from SCORE! and they are offering me a part-time job as an Academic Coach among other family-related responsibilities. Yay! I'll start in March. Depending on the hours they can give me I may need to find another part-time job so now I'm trying to see what I can find that will have exclusively morning hours. I'm still kind of worried about money, but I think more I'm worried about my spending habits. They are far lessened these days, but I would like to put some money away for my move to Portland. We'll see. I'm still waiting to see if I've been approved for unemployment. If I am, I can still get it even while working part-time as long as I'm making under a certain amount per week. So sneaky! I'm trying to get back on a regular sleeping and living schedule too - and doing more creative things. I'm working on ideas for a redesign here, and also revisiting notes for a couple screenplays that I started working on like... more than two years ago. Ha! Now I just need it to get warm. I'm tired of bundling up!
20February | why i have always hated history
I am at the library, having just studied for my PRAXIS for about an hour - I read about European and American history, starting with the rise of Catholicism in Europe, the Reformation, the Enlightenment, and the beginning of exploration and later on colonization. I stopped at the end of the American Revolution and the signing of the Declaration of Independence. And seriously, the Europeans were deplorable! I mean obviously this is stuff that I learned before, throughout my pre-college schooling, but reading it now in my mid-twenties is much different. The way that the text introduces and describes institutions like indentured servitude, slavery, the conquering of civilizations like the Aztecs, the Incans, not to mention the Native Americans... it's impartial, of course, as it is an educational text, but I just can't imagine teaching this stuff to children without inserting my own personal and liberal opinions about it. I know it's sort of fruitless to be riled up about things that happened more than 300 years ago, but what made the Spanish think that they had the right to be invading and conquering peoples who had been living in the South American continent for years already? What the heck? And for what - to rob them of the natural resources that they happened to be sitting on? Do kids really learn this and just sit there and think it's okay? P.S. I'm sitting about 15 feet from the closest stacks and I can totally smell the books.
19February | fave show of the moment
Today was almost a crappy day. I went to bed kind of late, and was exhausted, but it still took me a little while to get to sleep because I was thinking about The Orphanage even though I DIDN'T WANT TO DAMMIT. And then Brian called at 2:30am to tell me he got home safely, and it made me sad that he wasn't still here with me. Sigh. Anyway, I then had a series of very strange dreams all night and all morning, and didn't end up waking up until around 12:30pm. Then I got up and got ready to go to the dentist. Oh, I should mention that one of my dreams was that I woke up and was late for my dentist appointment, and that caused an inordinate amount of anxiety. Like... really? A dentist appointment? Really not a big deal. Anyway, I digress. The dentist was all right. No cavities and no abnormalities. Still no wisdom teeth. Sweet!! But she made me bleed and it was annoying. :( Then I came home and was overpowered with a sense of uselessness and fatigue... which I don't understand, as I slept for about TEN HOURS. I watched Oprah and it was boring. But THEN! I flipped to the Discovery Channel right at 5:00pm and found the opening credits to It Takes A Thief. And I was hooked. And in love with one of the hosts, Jon Douglas Rainey. Is it wrong that I was completely turned on watching him rob the victims' house blind? Oh well. I will now be making it a point to be home every day from 5:00-6:00pm, and during that hour I will be a hot little bucket of lust. Whew!
18February | quickly! (i know i skipped a day. no internet. will make it up)
17February | el orfanato
A couple weeks ago, I was at Mandy's place for dinner and we saw a commercial for The Orphanage (El Orfanato), a Spanish horror film about, well, an orphanage. Mandy commented that she would love for me to see it because of the way I react to things, and my list of irrational fears such as libraries. I decided that it would be a good movie to see with Brian, because I could cling to him in fear and not be embarrassed, and he doesn't scare easily and he might think it was interesting. So we found an indie theater in New York and headed in on Sunday. I was nervous, but also interested - the thing about well-made horror movies and thrillers is that I'm fascinated by the stories they tell, but the scare factor often keeps me away. Well. I would highly recommend the film to anyone, even those who get scared. (Just see it with someone strong and brave. Hehe) It is well-shot, the story is well-told, and the timing of suspenseful scenes is impeccable. My entire body was tense throughout most of the film, but at the end as everything was resolved I felt a strange sense of calm. I still get creeped out when I think about the jarring images (I try not to think about them too much... especially at night) but the story is just so beautiful that I want to reflect on it. Maybe in a few weeks I'll be able to talk about it more. Anyone want to see it, and discuss?
16February | no time to post
Sorry. Brian is here and I've been spending all my time with him. And right now he's more important than a full-length post. I'm sure you understand. See you in a few!
15February | my life as an unemployed ADHD zombie
Well, today marks the end of my first two weeks of unemployment. At least, of 2008. I have been unemployed for some length of time every year since college except for 2007. Hmm. I suppose that's not too abnormal. Anyway, here is a short list of what I have done in these two weeks: - unpacked my clothing Now... the reason I have proclaimed to have ADHD is because I have learned over the years that I have serious attention span issues. I once diagnosed myself online using various tests on various medical websites, all of which said it was HIGHLY likely that I have Adult ADHD. Fantastic. I didn't take all of the tests, though, because they were too long and I didn't feel like finishing. Anyway - today after I got my new license I went to Barnes and Noble to try to get some studying done for my PRAXIS. I've reviewed the chapters on Language Arts and Math, and now am delving into Social Sciences. Here is how my study session went down: 1. Walk into bookstore I'm doomed.
14February | so good i can only tell it perfectly once
me: can i tell you a funny story about my mom
13February | food-related thoughts of the day
I started back on Weight Watchers about a week and a half ago and it's going pretty well, although I'm starting to recognize that soon I will have to introduce some variety into my diet which may necessitate the purchasing of some cookbooks or Weight Watchers magazine. (Yes, they have a magazine. They have an entire empire. Don't you know?) Anyway what this also means is that I think about food a lot. Not craving it necessarily (although... I do miss candy) but just thinking about it. Like such... ... why do onions taste so good, yet leave the most unbearable aftertaste? Also, I've realized the biggest loss in moving home is that I no longer walk anywhere. Like ever. Back in Brooklyn I might put in at least a mile of walking a day. You know what this means, right? More mall-going. And parking in the farthest corners of the parking lot. At the mall. :)
12February | a year ago today
was the last time I cut my hair. As you can see from the video below, it's grown considerably in a year. I thought about going to get it professionally done for the first time in more than six years - but I can't decide what I want to do. I just dyed it black. But maybe I should get a professional dye job. Or maybe I want it cut. Or do I? Or maybe I want a body wave. What should I do? Anything? Also, um, how much does a haircut or perm or dye job cost these days? I don't even know...
11February | a new twist
10February | i am unique!
Or does this mean I don't exist? Because technically there should be 1 person with my name in the U.S.A... right?
09February | 5 of the most important words you will ever
FORTUNE COOKIES ARE NOT CHINESE
08February | best job interview ever
I didn't want to write too much about my job search here, for two reasons: 1. This is a public space and But I can't help but share the experience I had today. I had a second round interview with a preschool for an assistant teacher position - second rounds entailed being in the classroom with the kids, so for preschool this meant that I spent the better part of my morning with a bunch of three and four year olds. And. How. Adorable. They. Are. I'd forgotten how eager children are to talk to you, and also how unintelligible their words can be sometimes. (What do you do when a kid is telling you something and you have no earthly idea what they're saying? Durh... nod enthusiastically and exclaim, 'That's AWESOME!!') I colored hearts with a little girl, watched a little boy trace his hands and methodically leave his thumbs out of the equation, helped a couple little boys into their coats, mittens, hats, hoods (everything zipped and velcroed up, completely!), painted, read stories, sang songs, counted to ten, and had lunch. Well, watched the kids eat lunch. I was actually only scheduled to be there an hour, and ended up staying for almost three. Ha! The highlight was definitely lunchtime... I sat at what I perhaps somewhat un-PC'edly dubbed, in my head, the 'ethnic table.' There was an East Asian kid (I think he was Chinese), two South Asian kids, and I think an Eastern European kid. And a couple white kids. Okay actually, the reason they were all sitting together is because they were the broughted lunch kids. Isn't it funny that all of the 'ethnic' kids were lunch-bringers? Anyway, the East Asian kid had a little Asian insulated lunch container of rice noodles and broccoli, and a Vitasoy brand box soymilk. One of the South Asian kids had a tupperware full of dosa, and the other had a dual-compartment tupperware with a different kind of Indian bread, and potatoes. (We asked him the name of the dish and he told us several times, but as mentioned above, we couldn't really understand him...) The Eastern European kid had a spiced noodle dish. (We asked him what it was called, too...) Since it would be unfair not to list what the other two kids had, here goes: Curly haired, chubby cheeked girl: cream cheese and jelly sandwich, banana, pineapple fruit cup The best part? The South Asian kids ate with their hands. I know... I know. Most kids eat with their hands. But they obviously had technique. My heart almost melted. I had a fantastic time with the kids today, and I'm supposed to hear back about my candidacy early next week. Fingers crossed!
07February | xin nian kuai le!
It is the new year of my people! Accordingly, I did not wash my hair today, lest I wash all my luck away. Okay, that was an afterthought. I just didn't bother to shower today. What? I just quit my job. Cut me some slack.
Gong Zi Fa Cai!
06February | milestone! breakthrough!
Dear friends, today I did the unthinkable. I went to the Middletown Public Library. And I got a new library card. And I checked out some books! I registered for the Praxis II exam as part of my application for a teaching certification, and as such I needed some study guides. I was all ready to trek out to Barnes and Noble to get some when my ever so practical mother suggested that I go to the library to save some money. I looked at her as if she had just suggested I throw myself into the fiery depths of hell - naturally, as that is the equivalent of the library to a LIBRARIOPHOBE such as myself. She said, 'It's time to get over it, Karel.' Oh, Mom. And so, in accord with my 'starting a new life' initiative, I set off for the library. It's been completely remodeled since my childhood- what? It's shocking to you that I dared set foot in the library in childhood? Oh. Allow me to backtrack into a bit of Karel's life history... I used to love the library. Since birth. Okay, maybe three years of age - which is when I began to read. I would pore over all of the old books in my preschool and kindergarten libraries, to the point that during DEAR time (remember that? Pizza Hut incentives? Mmmm... Pizza Hut personal pan pizzas!) I would have to skip across the hallway and borrow books from the first grade classroom. Public library trips were a weekly thing - I even had my own canvas bag in which to tote all of my books to and from the library. I loved, loved, loved the library, and reading. I would sit in the children's section for hours. I would read my library books in bed, on the car, in the family room, in the bathroom (yikes!!). I daresay I probably slept with them. This library-going thing continued throughout high school with no problem, and I entered college still a normal well-adjusted library-goer. Then, at some unknown point in time during my college tenure, I snapped. Something went terribly awry - an event that I must have repressed into the far, blackest corners of my mind because I can't for the life of my place it - and I began to view the library as a dirty, smelly, fearsome place. It wasn't just libraries, either - it was thrift stores, antique shops, dark alleys, even my own weathered paperbacks that I had known and loved in my now estranged book-loving childhood. I started requesting books from the safety of my dorm room so I didn't have to wander into the stacks at the library, then carefully ensuring that they never touched my skin as I flipped through them to get through my studies. Latex gloves were acquired, and used. Amazingly, I graduated. With a degree in English. Yeah, I don't know how I did it either. Anyway - fast forward to now. I can touch old books now. I just don't like handling them for very long. However, necessity breeds courage and as of this afternoon I found myself standing at the counter of the very nicely remodeled Middletown Public Library asking to sign up for a membership. 'A membership?' I got my card - nifty scannable thing, unlike the cardboard card I'd had when I was younger. Good thing, because those things get old. Then I ventured into the stacks to find my Praxis books. I pulled one out - the cover was creased, the pages yellowed. Fear crept up the back of my throat but I forced myself to continue flipping. Wasn't too bad. I piled it up with another book, then wandered into the DVD section. Movies aren't dirty! - But their cases are. Ick. Nevertheless, I pressed on. Picked out two movies. (Ocean's 12 and Brick, if you're curious.) Then I decided that as I was already here, and already holding a small pile of books and grody DVD cases, I might as well browse some of the featured books on display. I touched a good few - both hardcover and paperback - before deciding on one, to start. And then I checked out. The checker-outer (what are they called, again? Oh - librarians, I suppose. Ha...) stuck my card in a scanning machine, then laid my books and DVD's out on a pad. Then - the most miraculous thing - a digital printout of everything I'd checked out, along with each due date! Amazing! Gone are the days of little card pockets glued to every book and that cute little stamper with the due date. I have to admit I miss those things. I walked out of the library, books and DVD's in my arms, feeling insanely proud of myself. Victory! Now I just have to read them. Ack.
06February | i knew it! I KNEW IT!!!
I AM a morning person. I am I am I am. Good thing - I just interviewed for a job today that, if I get it, will require me to leave the house by 6:30 some mornings. That's only 19 minutes before I am the ultimate me! -UPDATE- I just took this. And I had to share. Because, this really is what the hell is wrong with me:
05February | i am officially an adulty-bopper
Okay, I have found the sexiest picture of Taylor Hanson, to date:
05February | less of a lump today
So, shortly after I wrote my lazy bum post yesterday, I forced myself to go upstairs and tackle numbers 1 and 2 on my list. Four hours later, I had produced close to 200 pieces of clothing to donate, and finally put all of my other clothes away. Ridiculous, I tell you! Then this morning I decided I really need to get myself together, so I got up, made myself a nice healthy lunch (okay... okay. I woke up at 11:30. But that's better than 1:00...) as I launch into Weight Watchers Round 2, and made a few phone calls to tutoring centers in the area inquiring about part time positions. I must note that as I ventured to the basement to collect salad ingredients (we have a second fridge in the basement. What, doesn't everyone?!) I noticed a gigantic duffel bag and wondered, is that mine? I opened it and guess what? MORE CLOTHES. Aghhhh!!! Anyway - I'll worry about that later. Now I'm geared up to leave the house in search of more places to walk in and fill out applications. Maybe I'll go to Target, too. What? It's on the way...
04February | hard-wired
Today is my birthday. It's also my first unemployed weekday. I slept til 1:00pm and since then I've eaten breakfast, watched Paula Dean, Giada DeLaurentis, and My Fair Brady. I feel an overarching sense of guilt that I haven't done anything productive, especially as I have a list of projects that need to be tackled: 1. unpack But I just feel like a total bum and I want to feel like it's okay to do nothing for a day. Besides... it's my birthday! I'm 25! I should celebrate by being a giant lump.
03February | bittersweet day
In all my flurry of moving and taking pictures of 20-year-old pieces of spandex I forgot to mention that Brian was supposed to be here this weekend to celebrate my birthday with me, but he has bronchitis. He called me Thursday night to tell me that he felt sick, to which I responded, okay... let me know how you feel in the morning and if you would rather take the train than drive if you can still come down. Friday morning I get an extremely croaky sounding phone call from him and it's clear that he shouldn't even leave his house, let alone come all the way down here. Need I reference what the weather was like on Friday? So, I was sad of course. I tried to console myself by reasoning that this weekend would have been stressful anyway, as I'm still unpacking, and exhausted from leaving work and the city. He's coming down the 15th instead, which gives me two weeks to unwind, settle in, and stop being a sourpuss from all the transition. But today I went back into Brooklyn to have my birthday brunch with my dearest friends as sort of one last hurrah - it was such a great time and I felt so honored that everyone came out on a Sunday morning just for me!! - and I couldn't help but feel a little sad that he wasn't there with me and to meet all my friends. When is the next time they'll all be together at the same time?? So anyway I am all moved home now. Officially no more possessions in the city, no more ties (save the emotional ones)... no more keys. I'm doing all right here by myself... but it would be nice to have him here as well.
02February | campaign for candidacy to be on clean sweep
I started unpacking my clothes today, and quickly realized that I simply do not have enough room for all of my clothing - despite having two dressers and a walk-in closet. Why? Because throughout my life I have been forbidden to throw anything away - to the point where now, even as it is not imposed on me, I still can't dispose of any of my possessions even if I have absolutely no need left for them. Case in point: my ballet costumes from age six, and an entire dresser drawer full of cassette tapes. And I mean full. To the brim. Of cassette tapes.
Clearly, I need help.
01February | cosmic days
I have mentioned quite a few times how my mood is, I'm convinced, inexplicably influential on the weather. Every time I have lost something - a loved one, a piece of myself, a phase in life - or left a place, it has rained. Sometimes the rain comes slightly before a major event and I spend a few days in trepidation, wondering what calamity will soon befall me. Well, my friends, the day has come upon us. February 1st. What's the forecast for today? Straight from Yahoo! Weather: 'Windy with periods of rain. Some sleet may mix in early. High 44F. Winds E at 20 to 30 mph. 1 to 2 inches of rain expected.' Then immediately, the weekend is sunny and mild. Eerie, I tell you. Eerie.
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