I'm home in the 'burbs and haven't done anything spectacular - went to Target this morning, had some lunch with my mom and her friends, then came home and did laundry and read Glamour. It's chilly outside when the sun sets and I love the crisp smell of the air, and I pulled out my sweaters from last year in preparation to bring them back with me and swap them out with my summer clothes. (I seriously don't know what I would do if my mom didn't live so close...)

I'm really starting to feel worn down by the city. I feel like I go through these phases pretty much seasonally - does this happen to most young adults in New York? Is it a reaction to a stressful work environment? Am I bored? Do I just love autumn too much and feel like it doesn't translate well in the city?

Am I too wrapped up in the day to day to change my routine? Hm. Maybe that's part of it.

I'm going up to New Hampshire next weekend. I haven't necessarily written about this part of my life because it's been sort of in between for a while, and then a completely new experience that I'm still trying to find my bearings with - but I met a really amazing boy at Theresa's wedding back in September and we've somehow found ourselves inexplicably obsessed with each other. Ha! We've been talking on the phone and on email since then and a couple weeks ago he came down to visit me, and things just fell into place - I never thought I would be willing to launch into a long-distance relationship from the outset (as in, we weren't together in the same place and then moved apart... we're just naturally apart) but he is just so very right for me.

I'm finally just going with my gut and letting it guide me, and living day by day. And it is a beautiful thing.

Anyway next weekend I'm going up to see him, and I am beyond excited. As much as I've become accustomed to an urban lifestyle, I feel like a piece of me has always yearned for a much homier, organic, (dare I say?) crunchier atmosphere. Strangely enough, Brian reminds me of Austin in a lot of ways - not immediately so (if they stood next to each other, you would not notice many similarities), but a little more deeply. I remember having always wanted to visit Austin's hometown. It just seemed like such a haven - a place that contributed so much to who he is and how in tune he is with the rawness and almost grittiness of nature.

And that is perhaps what I love the most about Brian... he's not wrapped up in a lot of the superficiality that has bombarded youth in the past decade. I find myself questioning the things that I've come to place value on in my time in the 'real world' - clothing, reality television, social drinking, the 'scene' - and wondering if they really mean something to me, intrinsically, lastingly. It's like he met me and just tapped me lightly - a spoon on brulee - and I've been cracking and crumbling ever since, the crust that I've layered on myself since college flaking away to once again reveal the raw me inside. I have changed and I have grown, but I also want to whittle away the parts of me that I don't need anymore. I guess the parts that truly matter will naturally stick.

Now I want creme brulee.