|
|
29October | it's bangs season
I needed a change...
26October | i'm going to california!!!
friends, by that i mean, since the age of 13, i have flown on a commercial plane once. anyway - i haven't been to california since 9th grade when i went for christmas. i'd wanted to go back in the following years but never had the chance, and then once college started i just never thought about it. since i've become somewhat financially independent i have not been able to muster up enough 1. courage or 2. money to plan any sort of large trip that was not on the east coast- except for the summer of 2005 about a week after i quit my job and on a whim got a $200 ticket to cincinnati to see alice. that is the one time i have flown since age 13. and - it was frightening. although i didn't have to worry about taking off work since i had no job. alice is in california now at berkeley and a few months ago i thought, why don't i just go out there? i have family there, i have alice there, i haven't been there in 11 years and frankly i don't even remember what it's like to be there. so tonight tatiana and i coordinated schedules and i bit the bullet and just bought my ticket. i know it sounds like a small deal, but for me it really is. but i did it!!! lots of things have to change in my life, i've realized - and it starts now.
24October | i've been tagged!!
1. Link to your tagger and post rules. 1. I find bullriding as a sport to be fascinating. There was a period of time about two years ago during which I could spend hours watching bullriding championships on OLN (Outdoor Living Network). Unsurprisingly I was unable to expand my OLN viewing to other programming. But I always love a good bullride. 2. When I was 16 and it was 'time' for me to apply to college, I didn't want to go. It was the first time I had any thoughts that were not aligned with what I had been raised to expect was the natural progression of life - and I wasn't self-assured enough to actually vocalize these thoughts. I didn't really think it was an option to not go and so instead, I felt that I wanted to die. (I was 16... a little dramatic perhaps...) I applied to a bunch of schools without doing very much research, and picked Haverford almost by default. Lucky me, right? 3. I've been cutting my own hair for going on six years. I have a handheld mirror and haircutting scissors and I do it in the bathroom. To cut the back I stand with my back to the bathroom mirror, hold the handheld up, and cut with one hand. It could look better, sure, but it could look a lot worse. Can't be any worse than Supercuts - and it's free! 4. Maybe it's a result of having multiple holes punched in them, but I have pretty much no nerve endings in my ears. That is, erogenous ones. That's right. It pretty much does nothing for me. Sorry, boys. 5. I have multiple alarms that wake me up every morning. On a workday, here is the breakdown: 5:00am and 6:00am, clock radio. 6:04am, ringing sound on phone. 6:17am, ringtone #1 (currently, Gold Digger by Kanye). 6:28am, ringtone #2 (currently, I Just Died in Your Arms by Cutting Crew). Usually I snooze the phone alarms and wake up between 6:30 and 7:00. I realize this is a very inconvenient idiosyncrasy but this has been going on since I was roughly 14 years old. 6. I can't snap my fingers, or swim. I physically know how to make my body do those things - it just doesn't work. This has brought me a lifetime of frustration. No, seriously. 7. I think I'm officially having a quarter-life crisis. Tag!! 1. Tati
13October | crack in the glaze
I'm home in the 'burbs and haven't done anything spectacular - went to Target this morning, had some lunch with my mom and her friends, then came home and did laundry and read Glamour. It's chilly outside when the sun sets and I love the crisp smell of the air, and I pulled out my sweaters from last year in preparation to bring them back with me and swap them out with my summer clothes. (I seriously don't know what I would do if my mom didn't live so close...) I'm really starting to feel worn down by the city. I feel like I go through these phases pretty much seasonally - does this happen to most young adults in New York? Is it a reaction to a stressful work environment? Am I bored? Do I just love autumn too much and feel like it doesn't translate well in the city? Am I too wrapped up in the day to day to change my routine? Hm. Maybe that's part of it. I'm going up to New Hampshire next weekend. I haven't necessarily written about this part of my life because it's been sort of in between for a while, and then a completely new experience that I'm still trying to find my bearings with - but I met a really amazing boy at Theresa's wedding back in September and we've somehow found ourselves inexplicably obsessed with each other. Ha! We've been talking on the phone and on email since then and a couple weeks ago he came down to visit me, and things just fell into place - I never thought I would be willing to launch into a long-distance relationship from the outset (as in, we weren't together in the same place and then moved apart... we're just naturally apart) but he is just so very right for me. I'm finally just going with my gut and letting it guide me, and living day by day. And it is a beautiful thing. Anyway next weekend I'm going up to see him, and I am beyond excited. As much as I've become accustomed to an urban lifestyle, I feel like a piece of me has always yearned for a much homier, organic, (dare I say?) crunchier atmosphere. Strangely enough, Brian reminds me of Austin in a lot of ways - not immediately so (if they stood next to each other, you would not notice many similarities), but a little more deeply. I remember having always wanted to visit Austin's hometown. It just seemed like such a haven - a place that contributed so much to who he is and how in tune he is with the rawness and almost grittiness of nature. And that is perhaps what I love the most about Brian... he's not wrapped up in a lot of the superficiality that has bombarded youth in the past decade. I find myself questioning the things that I've come to place value on in my time in the 'real world' - clothing, reality television, social drinking, the 'scene' - and wondering if they really mean something to me, intrinsically, lastingly. It's like he met me and just tapped me lightly - a spoon on brulee - and I've been cracking and crumbling ever since, the crust that I've layered on myself since college flaking away to once again reveal the raw me inside. I have changed and I have grown, but I also want to whittle away the parts of me that I don't need anymore. I guess the parts that truly matter will naturally stick. Now I want creme brulee.
12October | i saw rent tonight
on Broadway. Jesse had free tickets and asked me to go with him and couple of his friends, and well how could I pass up a free show? Also, I saw the movie when it came out and sort of hated it... but was told by more than one person that it was because I hadn't seen the show. And they were right. The harmonies in the music are just amazing and although I feel like I'm generally pretty stoic when I experience music in front of most people, I definitely felt chills on my neck and scalp at certain points. The whole show just came together much better than the movie did - it felt rawer and infinitely more in the moment. Maybe I'm just in a different place now - more aligned with the 'live for the moment' bohemian mindset. I remember my older brother being kind of shocked that I didn't like the premise of the film - he then thought it was maybe because I'd succumbed to the mainstream, corporate-influenced attitude of uppercrust New York. Well, maybe I had. And I don't know how or why but I've strayed away from that and returned to a more romantic and simplistic view of life. Or at least, some sort of balance between the two. It was hard for me to feel too moved, though, by the pain in the plot - and I realized that it's because I'm pretty happy right now. I couldn't really identify with it... I could only empathize. I don't know. Maybe I'm just kind of muting everything I could be feeling. Maybe I think that in the grand scheme of things, what stresses me out are actually luxuries that I should be thankful that I even have. I'm going home this weekend. Hopefully I can relax a little bit and do a little writing.
10October | i stole this from molly
1. Are you into anyone? 2. Have you kissed somebody in the last 2 weeks? 3. Who was the last friend in your room? 4. Miss someone? 5. How's your ex doing? 6. Is there someone you want to fight? 7. Song playing? 8. Who is your favorite Author? 9. What are you doing tomorrow?
11. What's annoying you right now? 12. Do you want to go back to high school? 13. Have you ever watched a movie drunk? 14. What are you doing tonight? 15. Who did you ride in a car with last? 16. Are you tired? 17. Who will you be with today/tonight? 18. What did you want to be when you were a child (job). 19. What color is the shirt you are wearing? 20. What will you do Sunday? 21. Last person to call you? 22.Who do you text the most often? 23. Does your family own any mansions? 24. Do you have any interesting bruises or scars? 25. Where were you at noon yesterday? 26. How long does it take you to get ready to go out? 27. Have you been outside of the U.S? 28. The last comment you received was from: 29. Last show you watched? 30. Who do you rent movies from? 31. Do you wish at 11:11? 32. Do you wear any jewelry? 33. Next vacation you're going on 34. Do you have any piercings? How many? 35. Favorite book you ever read? 36. Last person you hugged? 37. Favorite pet growing up? 38.Who/What made you angry today? 39. Do you sing in the shower? 40. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally? 41. Do you love anyone? 42. Did you go to college? 43. What's your fav. breed of dog? 44. What ethnicity do you claim to be? 45. Do you find yourself loved? 46. Called anyone a bitch today? 47. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? 48. If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be? 49. What is your natural hair color? 50. What are you excited for?
07October | a year ago
I wrote this entry. When I went back to look at it, I was especially struck by this passage: In a year, two of my best friends from high school will be married. I don't have the faintest idea where I will be or what I'll be doing. But this past year has been spent working toward building myself to be the best me I can be, regardless of where I am logistically. I may be in love - which will be a huge accomplishment to date. I may not be. I may still be in New York - perhaps the most reluctant love of all. I may not be. They are married, and going to their weddings changed me somehow. (I mentioned this a few posts ago.) And I'm still in the same place, physically - at work and in Brooklyn. But emotionally, it's been this incredible whirlwind - both in and out of the relationship context. I trained for a half-marathon, lost a significant amount of weight in the healthiest way to date, and I think made serious strides in overcoming my dysfunctional approach to men. I've found myself in a relationship quite by accident with almost no effort - and I still love New York deeply but have set an expiration date for my time here, at least Phase One. My new roommate Jesse said something tonight that really resonated with me - it was about time, and how you can only move forward. No matter what happens, there's always only forward movement, and so why shouldn't we just run with it? I love the constant movement that my life has seen and I want to take care to always look ahead but also relish the present. Because that's the most I, or anyone, can do.
05October | the true story of the origin of the word 'muffin'
karel: don't you think muffin is a funny word jaymie: yes karel: i'm looking up its origin jaymie: hahaha karel: haha that's me jaymie: it really is karel: like someone tried to say the word 'nothing' while they were eating a muffin jaymie: maybe karel: i really am a dorkwad jaymie: and before that they were just called small breakfast cake karel: aahhah jaymie: it was like a kid, stealing an extra one, and then his mom walked in and asked him what he was eating karel: HHAHAHHAHHHA jaymie: and he said with a full mouth karel: I LOVE IT jaymie: hahahah karel: can we put that on wikipedia jaymie: a chubby little boy karel: hahhahha
|
