I went to Lauren's bridal shower this weekend. It was my first shower and I had no idea what to expect - this is going to sound silly but I did experience a considerable amount of anxiety leading up to it, about my outfit (was I underdressed?), gift (was it not 'elegant' or 'traditional' enough?), and social skills (would I be able to carry on conversations with suburban country clubbers?). Even though I was going with the very familiar faces of my high school friends, somehow I feel that they have a little more saavy than I do when it comes to stuff like this. Maybe because they're all very seriously dating white men. I don't say this to mean anything other than the fact that they've spent time with their boyfriends'/fiance's families and well, I've never really gotten to that point so much.

Anyway, Miin and I ended up the only two mid-20's aged women at a table with three other middle aged mothers. The rest of the women our age were at the next table over, and although I spent some time wondering why stuff like this always happens to me, I then decided that I should look at this as an opportunity to broaden my social skills and possibly quash some of my anxieties.

Well, I don't know what kind of vibes I'm emanating but apparently they scream don't interact with me!!!! because although I did participate in a little bit of conversation, the women mostly talked to each other, or to Miin. Now, Miin is an auditor for PriceWaterhouse and had a bit more common ground to talk about with these women... but at the same time I sat and wondered if I'm just that much different from everyone in mid to upper class Jersey. And if so, why? I grew up in the same town as all my friends.

Am I special? Or just a freak?

Anyway, I consoled myself by thinking back to my chart reading. I've taken it to mean that I'm pretty misunderstood by people who don't share my astrological makeup. If I don't make the first effort in reaching out to people who are different from me, then I may very well just never affect them.

So my next course of action is just that... taking steps to reach out, and put forth who I am with no apology. I miss that.