I've been averaging about five and a half hours of sleep a night due to 1. staying up late to work on my cards and 2. waking up early to make breakfast and lunch and it's been quite naturally affecting my alertness during the day - it's 1:08am now and I could crawl into bed and probably fall asleep in an instant but I wanted to write a little more, and listen to a little Hanson before turning in for the night. :)

Now, the reason I've been making breakfast and lunch every morning is because three weeks ago I took the plunge and joined Weight Watchers. I'd been talking about it half-heartedly for a while but never got around to finding out how to sign up, and also didn't think that I had enough money to spare every month - which was probably true at the time, but I'm doing much better with my finances lately so I decided it was time to just go for it.

People have asked me why I thought I needed to join - which is nice, because it means that they don't think I need to lose weight. But my reasoning is, I think, good and rational... I wasn't happy with my weight, both around the holidays last year and also while I was training for the half-marathon (if you could have seen the size of my legs... it was extremely alarming), and I really haven't maintained healthy eating habits for the past I don't know how many years. I've gone through two significant weight losses in my late teens/early twenties, but neither time has been due to a good balance of diet, exercise, and most importantly, nutrition.

What I've learned through Weight Watchers - after being on it just three weeks - is the appropriate portion size for me, what it's like to actually feel hungry, and most importantly what it's like to eat foods that are good for me, to enjoy both "good" and "guilty" foods (a cookie tastes about ten times more decadent if you only have one a week). I eat more fresh food and prepare actual meals, and am not plagued with all sorts of negative feelings that I used to feel about what I put into my body.

It's not all frills and flowers though - the first few days I felt like I was starving every minute of the day, and last week my team at work went out for a big lunch and I wanted to crawl under the table where I couldn't see what - and how much - everyone else was eating. I realized that I was going through food withdrawal, and generally feeling a bit alienated from everyone else because of the way my eating habits had changed.

It's a complete mindset change... the program calls it a "lifestyle" and I truly believe that it is. You obviously have to want it, though - if you don't want to spend your time thinking about caloric intake versus fiber and fat content, then obviously you don't have to. I mean - I'm forking over the monthly fee for this. I'm choosing to do this.

I've lost ten pounds in the past three weeks. It shows in my face (I noticed it a little bit, but other people have noticed too which is nice) and in the way my clothes fit, and obviously I'm happy about that. But I'm actually happier about the way I've been able to work it into my life - I'm still learning of course but it has felt great and natural to stock up the fridge with fresh food, to think of new healthy recipes, to decide when to indulge and have it really feel like an indulgence... the list goes on.

A couple people have asked me what my goal is. I don't really know. The first goal for all new members is 10% of their body weight - I'm more than halfway there already. I can't really decide if I want to set a goal in terms of pounds or clothing size, because something tells me that my body holds weight differently than I've previously thought. Who knows.

I could go on and on about this - but perhaps I'll save it for my next 'zine. ;) Don't hold your breath though, I don't know when that will be.