Well, I am back from a long weekend in Boston with my faves, Tatiana and Alice. It was a fun time, filled with eating, shopping, running away from Tatiana's cats (okay that was just me... and I was totally drugged out on allergy meds to save me from said cats), and laughing at really stupid things like Spamusement.

I'm exhausted despite getting a decent amount of sleep last night and then another 4-hour nap on the bus back to New York. Maybe it's the allergy meds wearing off - or maybe it's just the toll that two weekends of travelling in a row has taken on me. I did come home and go for a run - my first since last Thursday, as you may remember from my post about disastrous runs. It was much better this time, so I guess I'm feeling okay about that.

I guess I'm generally a bit disorganized lately. My room is quite messy and I don't have the proper motivation to clean it, and I'm feeling a really strange combination of being overwhelmed and feeling guilty at not being adequately busy or stressed out at work. This is all kind of getting in the way of my personal life and I'm starting to get that seclusive I-just-want-to-be-alone attitude. It's like I'm sensing pressure from a lot of different places to be a certain person and do certain things when really I don't want to worry about doing anything for anyone but myself.

And what do I really want to be doing? I don't know. Maybe not running every other day for the next month and a half. I'm not ready to make that decision though - but I'm starting to wonder who I'm doing it for, and what I really want from myself.

I hate being held to certain standards by people surrounding me, whether it's for work, for life, for family - not because I don't think I need to perform in any of those aspects, but because I can't stand the constant feeling of not being good enough.

Maybe I just need to go to bed...

Oh but not before wishing Jaymie and Kristy happy birthdays :) Too many February birthdays!