So, as I mentioned last night, I've been frustrated and annoyed lately - I should disclaim that although it was my manager at work who dispensed advice on my guilt complex, my issues are not work related - but today I seem to have settled into some sort of peace.

I woke up early and headed out to do my Christmas shopping - it turned into a full day of walking, choosing, deliberating, and spending - I was out from 8:30am until 7:15pm, and on my way home I stopped at this little grill/eatery that opened a few blocks from me like six months ago.

It was the first time I'd ever stepped in there, and the moment I entered, the man behind the counter greeted me and proceeded to introduce me to all of the food they had to offer me. He was a petite man, wearing a beat-up baseball cap, with a gold tooth and a slight foreign accent. I had walked in intending to get a falafel sandwich that had been advertised on the markerboard out front, but as he explained all of the hot dishes as well as pricing and meal structure, I was charmed into trying some jerk chicken and plaintains. He was so cheerful and pleasant that I couldn't help but smile, and feel a genuine sense of uncontrived goodwill.

A little boy stepped in as the man was packaging my food, and through their non-English conversation I assumed him to be the man's son. I took my food, put a dollar in the tip jar (uncommon practice for me) and stepped out just as the little boy scampered out in front of me. I watched him half-run, half-skip down the sidewalk to the end of the block, wondering how his father could trust him to run around outside unattended, and in a t-shirt in the chilly evening air. The boy skidded to a stop outside the deli on the opposite end of the block, yanked the door open and marched in like it was his own home, and I realized that he probably knew the deli owners as well. They were all neighbors, friends, or family.

And I thought, what is that little boy's life like? Does he go to school around here? Is that in fact his father, and is the teenage boy who often sells me my Diet Cokes at the deli, his brother? In ten years when that little boy reflects back on his childhood, what will stand out? How will his childhood surroundings affect his adult persona?

I was transfixed by these thoughts, and again floored by the concept that there are hundreds, thousands, millions of lives happening all around me, walking by me on the street, milling around the mall and Lexington Avenue today. And yet I've let myself be bogged down by such petty and, dare I say, luxurious and trivial concerns. My life is great, in so many ways - the things that bring me down are only able to do so because I make them important when really, they don't have to be.

And so I take this pettiness and the lingering frustration and I cast it aside, allowing more room for love, and thoughtfulness, and forgiveness.

comments

There are so many stories in this city. I recommend you rent the HBO film "Subway Stories" which provided me with some much needed perspective on a cold winter night last year during the transit strike.

Also, sorry we couldn't hang out on friday. Maybe this week?

Langlieb

i am afraid to tell you my name | December 18, 2006 2:10 PM

i love realizations like these.

miss you.

lisa | December 18, 2006 6:29 PM

um, it is now 12/19, i think it's time for you to put up a new post :)

Diane | December 19, 2006 6:09 PM