Okay. I am here now, ready to provide a more meaty update. Being home for Christmas was great - I got some running in, made my obligatory Target trip, introduced my family to the glory that is Elf, and caught up with high school friends.

My family also sat down and watched all of our Christmas home videos starting from 1987 to the present. In essence, I watched my brothers and me grow up before my very eyes. And yes, it was painful, as apparently when I was about 13 and 14 years old I went through male puberty and had an astonishingly deep voice. Yeah, I don't know what that's about, but luckily I got through that phase and now have a pleasantly feminine tone when I speak.

We also watched a CD-ROM of pictures from my grandfather's funeral back in October. I feel like this merits an entry of its own, because it's something that I've really been thinking about a lot since October, but I suppose I should at least mention that it was the first time my parents have directly addressed death with their children beyond the facts, and I could barely speak even though my head was burning with questions and thoughts. And then I cried and they all stared at me. Awkward...

Moving on, I also put together my friend Lauren's wedding website - check it out here.

And finally, because several people have inquired, my 12/23 post was not about the most recent guy. In fact, it might have even been mere speculation, but history shows that my speculation has almost always been right, so I'd rather not even think about it past that. I actually haven't written anything about most recent guy (and is he really the most recent? I would venture to say not) because I was trying to keep the upper hand, but I think a. I don't care about the upper hand anymore and would rather be a petty bitch for once and b. he's more likely than not too absorbed in his own life to even bother caring that I have a blog, so I am going to write about him.

He is 30, and as I found out after I'd met him and gotten his number, separated but not legally divorced. That much I could look past for the moment, since I wasn't really looking for an intense, lifelong relationship (especially considering that five days before I met him, I'd decided that I was going through a period of non-dating. Or as Molly likes to reference Grey's, "knitting"). And we had a couple weeks of fun - dinners, chatting, meeting his dog, etc. - I won't lie, I found him to be extremely charming and interesting and appropriately dorky, though incredibly self-aware (which as you might know, is the one quality that many, many, MANY men I date, lack). He told me that he wasn't looking for a long-term relationship and was "dating around" - same for me, and I was content with just getting to know him.

However, I soon found him to also be extremely excited about the physical aspect of dating, which of course has its place and can be very nice, but also is something that frankly, I'm tired of just doling out like candy. I've been through that phase and when I was in that mindset perhaps I didn't mind so much, but it's not really something I can quite deal with right now. And so I pushed back, but I started to feel like even with the efforts I made it was really the main thing that he was looking for, especially when we stopped going on out actual dates and just watched television at his apartment. All right...

So after two weeks of zero initiation from him and no apology for it, I called him out on it, and his startled response was: "we're just dating." Which, to me, is a total bullshit answer, because when you decide to date someone, whether or not you're exclusive, it's kind of an assumption that you'll try to see them or at least speak to them on a regular basis. Unless you're just screwing around, which... well... I suppose that speaks for itself. Anyway I told him that I didn't like feeling used, and that I thought we should probably stop hooking up as much, or else we should stop getting to know each other and just hook up because I really can't be doing both with someone who's technically still married. And he said, "maybe we should stop seeing each other altogether." I said, "is that really what you want?" and he fumbled for a bit, so I said "think about it, and let me know, preferably sooner rather than later."

That was Saturday, December 16th. I have not heard from him, which of course I am taking to assume that it is really what he wants, but I just think it's shitty that he decided that "let me know" actually meant "why don't you just ignore me and pretend we never had this conversation." And of course, though I know it shouldn't, it has only added to my complex that I am unimportant and easily forgettable. I don't know what the hell guys want from me (although I guess now I have a pretty clear picture of what he wanted) and I'm SICK AND TIRED of only being valued because I'm pretty and fun to be around for what seems like a very short while.

And that is all. Thank you for letting me vent on my own blog. It has been a while. :)