I spent most of today being extremely hung over from, as I have deduced through much self-analysis, a symptom my leftover insecurities from my last relationship. I knew that I was drinking too much - it wasn't out of control necessarily and I knew I was in safe hands, but part of me just wanted to stop being so cautious, stop thinking so much.

While I certainly do not want a repeat performance, maybe it was good to let go a little bit.

I don't like writing about dating on my blog, because I don't know who reads it and if the people I'm dating find my blog it becomes a sticky situation... but I suppose it is worth mentioning that I'm in a good place right now. Things aren't so complicated, I don't have to censor myself, and I continually find myself surprised at how well I am treated. The sad thing really is that I am surprised at all - because it means that I'd conditioned myself to become used to being treated flippantly. I can't believe that I'd ever thought it was too much to ask to have my hand held in a movie theater, or to expect an apology when plans change.

I'd forgotten what it was like to be excited just to be in someone's company, without resentment, or tension, or the feeling that I was behind a wall. I feel like I keep building defenses and presenting different faces to different people - but now I've gotten the chance to own myself and just be me. In some ways I'm still scared that things will change, that the other shoe is going to drop... but I think I will feel that way for a long time to come. Just something I'll have to work through, I suppose.

I still have a lingering headache... and USA is running a Law and Order: SVU marathon for a couple more hours so I think I'll take advantage of that.