Lately I've been having a recurring dream situation in which people want to watch me take a shower. And forcefully so... by physically placing themselves in the bathing area, or removing the shower curtains. I don't think I ever end up actually getting clean, but I do usually get naked in the dream.

Yesterday my officemate Jaymie and I tried to look it up online to decipher its meaning (we have both also had dreams in which we ate an entire plate of bacon, which apparently means we love money?) and I couldn't find anything specifically about forceful shower voyeurism, but I have done a little thinking about it on my own. The great thing about being an English major is that you can find meaning and parallels in ANYTHING.

(Case in point, last night I was out with a very nice boy who takes a lot of limes in his vodka tonics and I made up some bullshit analysis about why he puts extra lime in his alcohol. Sounded convincing, but I totally pulled it out of my ass...)

Anyway, there are several points in common to consider about my dreams. 1. The people responsible for rounding up the shower voyeurs (yes, there are GROUPS) are, in real life, people I know. But in the dream their faces are different. 2. They physically place themselves in the bathroom/bathtub. 3. I take my clothes off, but never actually get in the shower.

The first thought that comes to mind is my fear of intimacy - but not physical. Deeper than that is my fear of emotional intimacy and vulnerability, which in a dream would manifest itself physically in nudity. And the fact that I am being forced to not only get naked, but to then cleanse myself in front of people, is thus a manifestation of my extremely rooted fear of overcoming that vulnerability with someone else. The fact that I never actually get in the shower indicates that I'm simply not ready... that my subconscious will always force me to wake up before I actually jump into it.

Whoa... this is heavy. (<-- Points for the movie reference!)

What do you think?