My friend Charles likens my moods to my hair; ever changing, experimental, daring, yet always stylish. (Well, almost always.) Lately he's described my overall aura to be "zen-like" - perhaps meaning that I'm a bit calmer, more grounded. Perhaps that's true. I guess things aren't as volatile as they used to be - I still feel deeply, but I maintain it better. My moods may change, but my hair has stayed the same.

Having Alice back and with me was a welcome relief of the constant me-ness that I've been surrounded by - a lot of who I am now is influenced by having known her and she brought me back to it... but it also showed me how much I've grown into myself. I don't have friends here like her and like Tatiana - I'm not sure if it's because I just haven't been here long enough, or if it's the difference in environments. I'm loving and comfortable and unafraid to show my emotions with them... I suppose I've felt let down by too many people in New York City to open myself up to anyone here.

Late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, having been shut out of my own bed by a very deeply asleep Tatiana, I spoke to my friend Sam on the phone - the first time I'd heard his voice in over three years. He's in Australia now, and we talk very sporadically, but he is one of those people that I just love to have known. We've been somewhat in each other's lives for about eight years now, but most of the time that I've felt strangely close to him, we have been nowhere near each other. He went to Georgetown for undergrad, and I was at Haverford... and now we are across the globe, in almost opposite timezones. Three summers ago was the first time we'd seen each other since going off to college - we were like unfurled wounds, each having gone through very personal pain and had emerged still smarting, yet a bit wiser. It is also the last time I saw him, and to this day there aren't many afternoons that I truly treasure more than the one I spent with him.

Hearing Alice's stories about her experiences abroad have made me itch... not necessarily for a trip of her caliber, but just for something a little less stationary. Even more movement around New York City - taking more advantage of what is at my fingertips, tasting life instead of just lingering on the surface. Having a full-time job has definitely calmed me down a bit, but I still want to experience the vivacity of life.

And I want to surround myself with people who feel, who express themselves, and who truly care about my well-being. People like that do exist - whether they are travelling the world, states away, across the world, or just around the corner for me to meet. I shouldn't settle for less... because I know that I am truly worth it.