Maybe I'm just bitchy and impatient. Or maybe everyone else in the world (well, at least a majority of them) is painfully unaware of their surroundings. Either way, I bring you
a list of my grievances against / advice for pedestrians and commuters
1. If you walk slow, stay on the inside edge of the sidewalk so that brisker walkers (or someone in a hurry) can pass you.
2. If you have a wide, arm-swinging gait, please also stay on the inside edge of the sidewalk. Or, put your hands in your pockets lest you smack someone in the stomach or face (you won't believe the arm-swing arcs I've seen) with your hand.
3. If you have a lot of cargo, or a large party, please do not take up the entire width of the sidewalk and then saunter along like everyone behind you has all the time in the world to reach their destination, as they cannot possibly pass you when you've got the periphery flanked.
4. If you hear quick footsteps and heavy breathing behind you, that's a runner. It is much easier for you to pivot your path than it is for them. Please step aside. If you see a runner coming toward you, you really have no excuse other than being completely dumb. If you are pushing a stroller or a cart and see that if you keep moving you will inevitably sandwich the runner between you and another large obstacle, STOP WALKING FOR A SECOND while they pass. It won't kill you, promise.
5. Upon exiting an establishment - store, restaurant, subway stop, etc - please keep moving until you are several paces away from the door before stopping to ponder your next destination, who to call, what to eat, what you are going to do tonight. Chances are, someone is leaving right behind you and would like to get the hell out of the doorway.
6. When stepping onto a subway train - especially if it's crowded - please KEEP MOVING further into the train. Stopping the moment you're in will only ensure that someone on the platform who would also like to get on the train will not be able to resist the urge to PUSH YOU.
7. On the other hand, if you're behind someone who's stepping into a crowded train, please give them a moment to try to step further in before you barrel in right afterward and shove them in and then avoid eye contact with them for the entire ride into the city. This is an especially good idea if you are a short and geeky and have just pushed - well, me.
8. For goodness sake, hold onto the freakin' bars when the train starts moving. No one is above a little stability. If you choose to forego the bars and as a result fall over and kick someone with your huge clunky sneakers, at least have the decency to apologize.
9. Same if you go to grab the bar and you scratch someone's hand with your long, freakish fingernails.
10. Same if you're wearing a HUGE backpack on only one arm (why?! Are we elementary students in the early 90's? Come on) and you keep whapping someone with it because you can't control its weight.
11. There really is no need to grab not only the vertical center pole but also the horizontal overhead bar, but if you do decide that you absolutely need two-point protection, you could at least let go when the doors open so that the person you are blocking from the door with your monkey stance can exit the train.
12. There is definitely no need, and no excuse, to completely wrap yourself, arms and legs, around the entire vertical pole so that NO ONE ELSE can touch a single inch of it.
13. If you are very tall, please grab a section of the bar that is higher up so that people who are shorter don't have to a. stand on their tiptoes to reach b. travel bar-less and hope they don't fall and perpetrate #8 or c. grab onto you instead, since you have so rudely taken away their means of travel protection.
14. Um, please don't smell. Either of extremely potent, headache-inducing perfume, or B.O., or anything that might invade another's personal space. This really applies to everyone in life, not just on the streets or on the subway.
15. If you have an adorable child and are going to feed him/her things like candy, blueberries, or Chinese jello on the train, please don't think people are weird for smiling at said child and wanting to pinch those little cheeks.
Whew! I feel better. Did I miss any? Please share.
comments
HAHAHA. I do the weird "monkey stance" double bar grab. But to my credit, I always move when the doors open :P you are one annoyed person, aren't you. hahahaha. so much hate. bchan |
July 7, 2006 12:08 PM Eh, kinda disagree with number 4. I think the stroller can sometimes claim right of way, especially if the runner is behind you. Those things are very hard to move out of the way, especially if it's all loaded up with diaper bags/supplies/twins/etc. So I assume you had a bad commute today? Ellen |
July 7, 2006 10:57 PM Okay, I so commented and it's not showing up. Hmmm... Ellen |
July 7, 2006 10:58 PM You know what else is annoying? When people stand (like, as opposed to walking) on the left side of the escalator and cause you to miss the train that you wouldn't have missed had you been allowed to walk. Grr. But I am guilty of some of the things you've mentioned, too. Especially, as of late, number ten. Haha. Oops. Yael |
July 8, 2006 10:27 AM yay i get to see you this weekend! Jueli |
July 10, 2006 8:12 AM i would add #16 - don't eat hot meals in subway cars, especially if they are crowded and it's summertime. there's nothing more wretching than the lingering smell of crappy mcdonald's food mixed with the odors described in #14. yuck. jason |
July 12, 2006 2:23 PM