yellow fever
1. A term usually applied to white males who have a clear sexual preference for women of asian descent, although it can also be used in reference to white females who prefer asian men. (thanks Urban Dictionary)

I went to a birthday party this weekend. The birthday boy, also the host, is a white male who, as I was warned by two different people upon meeting him, prefers Asian girls. I generally find this to be a huge turnoff, but I also am interested in learning exactly what it is that they like about Asian girls, and in some cases I like to try to let them know how this can be perceived as unintentional racism and/or ignorance. Anyway I haven't let his yellow fever deter me from becoming friends with him - we've talked about it a couple times and I've let it be known that it bothers me. He halfway denies its existence.

However, being at the party confirmed 1. its (very concrete) existence and 2. my undeniable distaste for it. Aside from myself there were three other Asian women there, and a fourth arrived much later. Other minorities? Try none. One of the Asian women was there with another guy, but the other two (of the three who were there first) spent most of the time talking to each other or to the birthday boy - at one point one of them engaged in a water gun fight with him, complete with screaming and threats of swirlies in the bathroom. They had also apparently bought loads and loads of cupcakes for him, which we lit with candles and surprised him with.

After a few hours there, I was starting to feel a bit stir-crazy and out of place, mostly because I didn't know anyone there very well. I'd made some conversation with people there, talked to the birthday boy a bit, but mostly was feeling like I wanted to go. Then the fourth Asian woman showed up and I just kind of wanted to puke. I left soon after that.

So I know that my reaction to situations like this might be considered an overreaction. After all, why isn't he allowed to have Asian female friends? Well, it's not that he's not allowed to. After all, these women all choose to be friends with him as well. I am an Asian woman and I was there, too. But at some point it starts to feel like a gimmick - like we're all part of a collection or something. I literally felt like I was a pawn in his Asian harem, and we should all just sit in a row and serve him. But is that all just in my twisted imagination? It's not like he expected us to do anything else but show up and have fun. And he's not dating any of us - to my knowledge, anyway. Though I found out tonight that one of the Asian women who was there is the best friend of his most recent ex-girlfriend, who is also Asian.

But still something about it is just a bit screwy. Especially the lack of other races, not only at the party but in what I've seen of his scope of friends. And it's not just him, it's so many other people that I've met and/or dated. And most of them can't wrap their minds around why it would bother me. My ex-boyfriend Mat likened it to the fact that I'd only dated white men... except it's not the same, because I've spent most of my life in white-dominated environments. It is what I know. He did not grow up in China... yet he's managed to find most if not all Asian girls to date and hook up with.

Mostly I just don't like to be commodified. I know that I'm attractive, but I don't want men to talk to me just because I'm Asian. I don't want them to expect me to be a certain way because of the way I look, mostly because I don't think a lot of Asian female stereotypes apply to me. I don't like the idea that I'm lumped together in a category with other Asian women. I'm proud to be Asian, but in some ways I reject the idea that that's how people see me because there's so much more to me than that.

And I am not exotic. Nothing about me is exotic, except maybe some of the weird food in my fridge.

Anyway I'm coming off of this weekend feeling a little sickened by the party situation and the way that I'm perceived by strangers and acquaintances. I can feel myself becoming angry again, and wanting to make some sort of statement about yellow fever and how it demoralizes Asian women, whether or not the women are aware of it. I wonder if the other women at the party are aware of it, and/or if they care. And if they don't. who's better off here? Am I just too sensitive? Or is my awareness of it only emphasizing the lack of others' awareness?

Do I have a complex?

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. Please.

comments

Any hint of fever has a stink of disease, right? I feel your perceptions are apt about the commodification of asian, or black, or jewish or whatever if a someone, man/woman, claims, objectifies, or hordes individual ethnic backgrounds, but I think you're a bit over-generalizing and soapboxing if you think of the fever as applicable when you speak of anyone. Objectification or overt favoritism is wrongheaded in almost any case whether it applies to ethnicity or soap. It, and life and like and love in general, is about particulars, no?

Everyone has a favorite meal, a favorite food, right? Now I'm directly comparing ethnic backgrounds to food, but my point is that preferences are just that: strong likes. And a like that's too strong can be perceived and enacted as fanaticism or collecting. Not everyone wants fans and collecting isn't always a cool. So yeah, I feel you're being perceptive, aware, and did a good thing by leaving the "harem" party when you did.
There's more to say, but this can be a sensitive issue and commenting on a blog doesn't always permit lucidity and is prone to misinterrpretation so...I'll shut up by saying that:

Too much of anything is too much, right?

E. | June 26, 2006 11:50 AM

In a perfect world we could control who we'd be physically attracted to. People with good personalities and solid ethics would find each other attractive and breed a super-race of babies with even better personalities and even better moral character. There would be an end to war, famine, Republicans, and boring conversations.

In the real world, everyone has fetishes and preferences. Whether its psychological, phisiological, or a combination of the two, it's there. Some guys fetishize Asians. To blame a guy who fetishizing Asians for surrounding himself with them is not all that different from blaming a homosexual for surrounding himself with gays.

I understand why the incident upset you, though. When confronted with the realities of this party, you seemed less like an individual and more like just another actor in this guy's Asian wet dream. Try and understand that this probably isn't the case. So he has a thing for Asians...He still wants to hang with you. There are billions (literally) of Asians out there.

Langlieb | June 30, 2006 11:57 AM