It's not necessarily that I want to be back where I was. It was never perfect the way it was anyway. I don't know what I'm wishing for. In some ways I'm better off and in so many other ways I'm not. I hate ambiguity, I hate unfounded worry and I hate feeling like I'm floundering.

It's refreshing to know someone who is unexpectedly shy and uncharacteristically wholesome. It's like I've found a child in a grownup body, someone to bring me back down to earth, calm me down a bit, in baby steps. Thankfully removed from the two reluctant hearts I've been exhaustedly juggling lately, completely unrelated. He doesn't know about that part of my life and I'd like to keep it that way.

I don't really enjoy the bar scene. Well, the singles bar scene. I think I finally came to finite decision about that tonight. There's so much superficiality there, insincere gestures, warm hands on my back that I don't want there, they're not his, the one that part of me still belongs to. His touch meant something. Maybe not enough to keep us, but still something.

I think I'm finally starting to feel the aftereffects of being broken up.