Well, this morning I woke up feeling extremely dejected. I hate to be self-pitying because I know that this is partly attributed to my own stubbornness and naive idealism, but hey, this sucks. It sucked last time but I couldn't say much because I'd quit a company that really, really wanted to save me, but this time I had no warning and I'm a little worried about my situation.

Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking in the past week and it's true that there is so much possibility, but I just feel like I've made a series of - not bad choices, but not well thought out choices. And if I want to live the kind of life that I want, I should have had more foresight. I shouldn't have studied English in college. I should have put more energy into finding work that would help me later on. Was an a cappella group really where I should have concentrated so much time and talent and planning? Well, sadly, perhaps not.

I'm the remnant of a spoiled, privileged child trying to break out of all of the expectations that have been ingrained in me since birth. I can't decide if these are expectations that come from myself, or from my parents and society. I want simplicity where life warrants detail, and I'm feeling very weighed down right now...

I don't want to leave New York City again. I don't think I could handle it.