This past Monday I was terminated from my job at Oasis. It came as a complete surprise, although the story from my supervisor/bosses is that I "should have known" from the "implied hints" they gave me. I've been turning it over in my head since then, reviewing every mistake I made there, every interaction that I now see was misconstrued as something much more and much worse than it really was, every frustration that may have contributed to their ultimate decision to let me go. My self-esteem has wavered from negligible to doubtful to renewed, and in the end I'm not sure that I've come up with much more than I need to move on.
I've never thought of myself as the kind of person who is unreasonably selfish or self-centered, but the words "self-centered" and "arrogant" were used more than once during the conversation I had upon being terminated. And I've had to sit back and re-evaluate how I'm viewed as a twenty-three year old in any workplace. Haverford taught me that as a young adult I could do anything I put my mind to, and that I had the power to change things through my words and ideas. Perhaps I've taken that too literally, without regard to the fact that people generally balk at young know-it-alls who think they have great ideas when in reality they're getting a little too big for their britches.
What was perhaps most damaging was the fact that I was sent away with the conception that I was largely disliked in the workplace, and that my departure would be a welcome one. I walked away from my conversations on Monday wary of all of the friendships I had built there, including the one with my boyfriend. And as much as I can concede to all of the other complaints they had about me thinking I "deserved" more than was due to me, I stand strong in my belief that telling me I shouldn't trust people I thought were my friends was a really low blow. And as an organization that promotes self-confidence and community values in children and young staff, to not only terminate someone with no notice but also trivialize their personal relationships seems rash and insensitive, to say the least.
Thankfully, my friends have stood by me, not necessarily having taken my side (which I would never expect them to do) but at least tried to understand my thoughts on the situation. I've felt a lot of support in the past week, both spoken and unspoken, and am walking away from Oasis at least knowing that I did do something good there, even if it was merely on a personal level.
So onto the next step it is for me. I can't help but feel a bit discouraged and like I've wasted a lot of time, and I'm definitely worried from a financial angle, but I'm doing all I can and trying to wash my hands of this. I've learned some valuable lessons, both about myself and about other people - I'm looking forward to whatever happens from this point on.
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Karel, I'm really sorry to hear that. . . but I am happy that people have been there for you. Try to stay confident in these next few weeks as you figure out what to do now. I don't think that you've wasted time at all--you even said yourself that you've learned from this, and just for that the time you spent at Oasis was worth it. Take care, yeah? ::hug:: :)