So in the course of the past week I've seriously considered a career change. (Well, as much of a career I was developing at this point anyway) I love children, but I'm not sure I want to be a teacher. I love writing, but I don't want to make it a primary career. I love giving back and until now I haven't been able to do it in the intensity that I would like.

I'm pretty spoiled, and went to a top ten liberal arts school that cost my parents a pretty penny to study a bunch of self-indulgent things like how to analyze text. I have an apartment in Brooklyn and more possessions than any post-grad working girl should have. (Like, do I really need so many pairs of shoes? Jackets? Necklaces that I no longer wear?) I don't know where my money goes, but I'm starting to think that most of it was spent on things that I really don't need or want past a couple weeks.

I had an interview this afternoon for a job that will be the hardest job I've ever had should they offer it to me and should I take it. I could have been scared or daunted by the prospect of immersing myself in it (I don't want to divulge details on a public forum), and I definitely could reject the idea of it based on the salary alone. (Read: MAJOR paycut) But it's liveable. I'm paying significantly less rent now than I was last year, and utilities are split among three rather than two. And I don't pay gas. It's definitely liveable.

So now the question is, do I need to change my mindset about what it is that I want to do and what I'm willing to do? I need to follow my heart. And my heart is telling me that I need to stop living in comfort and living safe. Obviously I know how to work hard, no matter what my previous employers think or tell me. I've had shaky direction since graduation, and this is the first time I'm actually seeing a clear desire for where I want to take myself in terms of a career. I've never wanted to be rich and I've never wanted to become corporate. I've always wanted to feel fulfilled in human interaction. Maybe this is where every event has been leading me.

I don't want to make any premature predictions of course, as I've only had one preliminary interview. But maybe I'm starting to see where I really want to go. And I can't let what my parents say, what my past has stipulated, or what I'm used to falling back on, dictate where I go from here. I need to move forward with my life and make solid decisions - and it seems this is the time to do it.

I swear things are so cosmic. Two weeks ago all I could worry about was my relationship with my boyfriend, and I didn't like that. Now I have so many other decisions to make, things to take care of, that while he's still in my life and I still value his place there, I'm seeing that I can't let him take so much precedence over things.

I wonder if I'll look back in five years and wonder how dumb I was in not knowing all this already.