So, rather than let things drag me down, I have decided to put my energy into some positive action. Things with work and my boyfriend(? questionable) are rocky but I really can't let it decompose my morale any more. I am stronger than that.

I want to think about things in a new, fresh light and I want to stop wishing things were better. Instead I want to focus on things that I can control - such as myself, my outlook, and my behavior. I really feel that once I find my feet again, that everything else will fall into place. It's funny to think about how helpless humans are - like slaves to their emotions, their fears, and their minds. I'm still recovering from the biggest blow, and I can forget my laurels so easily.

Today I was reminded again, of two things: 1. How much faith I put in signs and symbolism and 2. How much I've let myself slip out of the poise that I know I'm capable of owning. I want to put it into writing - I'm planning out a new 'zine.

I don't know. A part of me wonders if my boyfriend(?) is harnessing too much of my energy and independence and it's wreaking havoc with my mind. I don't want to let him have that much influence over me any more, but I don't want to lose him. I'm still grappling with how much I can handle and the timeframe in which things should comfortably happen for me so that I can maintain balance.

I guess I feel okay.